"ADVICE"

Dear Mother of one,  

Today I ran into you in the diaper isle of Target. You might remember me. I was the tall, blonde, overly exhausted, sweaty, woman with no make up who was pushing the ginormous twin stroller through the isle in an attempt to buy enough diapers to last us more than a week. I noticed, and you so delightfully informed me, that you have one child- a 14 month old daughter. She was adorable- so precious as she sat in your buggy, alone,...no other children to poke, prod, steal toys from, shove, push, or pull hair. You got frustrated when she tried to pull some baby wipes from the shelf. Other than that, she was perfect. So well behaved! 

Anyways, I am straying away the reason why I am writing this...

As soon as we met in the diaper isle, you "Ooooo"'ed and "Ahhhhh"'ed over my two beautiful girls. I mean, I can't blame you. They are pretty much the most beautiful children in the world. After drooling over my most incredible accomplishments, you immediately noticed what I was shoving into the bottom of "The Russ Bus (my ginormous twin stroller)." Obviously you understood that I couldn't fit both 10 month old children into one single Target buggy, and I couldn't push a stroller and pull a buggy, therefore I had to improvise and use the stroller as a buggy as well. I'm always worried that people think I am shop-lifting, but thankfully you understood that that wasn't the case! Anyways. Back to the diapers. You immediately noticed that I was buying Target brand diapers. Evidently this action triggered something in your mother-to-one-child-brain that made you think that I wanted your advice. You went on a tangent, for 20 MINUTES about the best place to buy diapers, formula, bottles, pacifiers, wipes, diaper rash cream, etc. I tried to be the nice, gracious, southern woman that my Mama raised me to be, but then you said, "Let me think about what other advice I can give you..." 

WAIT, WHAT?!?!?!?!? 

Now, I appreciate the fact that you wanted to "help" me. But believe me, I have it all under control. As a mother of twins, I do the following on a daily basis:

- Feed two babies at once (this involves a lot of wasted food, stained clothes, jealousy, whinning, screaming, and most likely at least one child will end up with applesauce in their eye)

- Change DOUBLE the diapers you do (lots of poop)

- Keep both babies from poking each other in the eye/pushing each other down/pulling each other down/stealing toys from one another/pulling each others hair/trying to pull each others eyelashes (yes,  this really happens)

- While one baby is trying to eat the dogs tail, the other one is trying to pry the childproof plugs out of the electrical sockets. I have to make a decision as to which child I "save" first. 

- Find the time to wash bottles/wash and fold clothes/change sheets/cook dinner while TWO babies need you for various reasons  

- Try to get the girls to go to sleep for a nap or bedtime when all they want to do is stand in their cribs and throw pacifiers at one another, babble back and forth, or giggle at one another for hours on end. 

- Try to bathe one baby while the other one is screaming from their playpen or highchair

- Try to soothe Baby A because they bumped their noggin' when Baby B get jealous because they aren't getting attention and their "partner in crime" is upset and they don't understand why. 

- The ongoing struggle to make sure BOTH girls get the same amount of attention, toys, clothes, etc. 

- While you get to alternate with your husband during the night, when one of my children wakes up, the other one normally does too. Therefore, I am "on-call" all night long, every night. 

-Purposely take the long way home (and then some) because both babies are asleep and you haven't heard "quite" like this in months.

And the list goes on and on....

Maybe I looked like I needed advice. I understand that I looked like a hot mess. But you have ONE child. In my eyes, your life as a mother is a walk in the park. To you, I'm sure it doesn't seem that way. I'm sure you get just as stressed out as I do. However, before you try to advise me as a mother, please understand that I am doing DOUBLE (and then some) what you do on a daily basis. Simply because your UNO child is older than my DOS children does not mean that you could possibly understand my day as a stay at home mom. 

So what this all boils down to is this...

I SHOULD BE GIVING YOU ADVICE. There will come a day when you have a second child. When that day comes, you will understand. Your world will be turned upside down as your oldest tries to feed the newborn baby a small Lego, or poke him/her in the eye, or finally has to understand that their parents are "shared" now. Wine and alone time locked in your bathroom will become the highlight of your exhausting, busy day. 

I hope this letter hasn't offended you, as that was not my intention. I am normally not this arrogant and annoying, I promise. There is only so much generosity and sweetness that this southern belle of twins can contain in her exhausted, saggy body. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade this lifestyle for anything in this world. And please do not consider this as complaining - I have the best, most rewarding job on the planet! I love being a stay at home mom- especially to twins! It's exhausting and stressful, but they are my everything. I have the blessing of seeing my babies grow up with their best friend! 

I understand that there are mothers out there that have twins plus one, or triplets, or MORE! And that is absolutely insane to me. Those mothers are real life heroes. REAL. FREAKING. HEROES. I strongly believe that these women have super powers. Seriously. I don't see how they do what they do. Therefore I will never give them advice :) 

Sincerely, 

One Exhausted Mama of Twins